Secular Humanist Holidays

Christmas is for Christians, and Hanukah’s for Jews
The Africans have Kwanzaa, but what to do with you?
Pagans have winter solstice, Islam has Ramadan
But what pray tell makes a secular humanist party on?

I know I shouldn’t wish you “Happy Holidays”
That implies the holy which you think is dumb and gay
Would a wish of “Season’s Greetings” somehow offend?
What pray tell can I wish for my secular atheist friend?

A secular humanist celebration, spreading neutrality across the nation
Have a Merry Whatever, I guess
A secular humanist celebration, since Christmas causes consternation
Have a Happy Something no less

Hide that new menorah, stash that manger scene
Don’t read from the Torah, I won’t wear red and green
I’m not one who’ll ever knock the views that you espouse
But one thing I agree, it’s dumb to have a tree inside your house

I won’t tease your kids with myths of Santa
With cold hard truth they can’t recant ya
Kids need to know that reindeer can’t fly
That’s just another Christmas lie

I won’t deck your halls with my religious folly
To simply exist on Planet Earth is cause to be jolly
Far be it from me to cause a major rift
But do you still expect me to buy you some dumb gift?

A secular humanist celebration, spreading neutrality across the nation
Have a Merry Whatever It Is
A secular humanist celebration, since Christmas causes consternation
Have a Happy None of My Biz
Have a Happy Whatever, I guess
And a Merry Something, no less