Mostly Darker, Heavier, More Musically Complex and Probably Not as Funny

by Adam Baum

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credits

released January 17, 2017

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: My *sshole Friend
My Asshole Friend

Yeah he’s a ton of fun to hang around
Oh the outrageous things he’s said
Though deeper down, he’s more than loud and brown
A darker, starker shade of red
My asshole friend, he’ll screw me in the end
Gotta dump my asshole friend
Time to dump my asshole friend

He did offend all my now former friends
He always ruins everything
But there’s no doubt, one day he’ll get called out
And I’m tied to him with a string
My asshole friend, he’ll screw me in the end
Gotta dump my asshole friend
Time to dump my asshole friend

Once I got my ass kicked for a stupid fight that his ass picked
I’m an asshole by association
I can’t defend having him as my friend
We’re overdue for a termination
My asshole friend, he’ll screw me in the end
Gotta dump my asshole friend
Time to dump my asshole friend

If you’re sucked in with your own asshole friend
Wipe it off and walk away
Otherwise, it comes as no surprise
He’ll make a stinking mess I say
Your asshole friend, he’ll screw you in the end
Gotta dump your asshole friend
Time to dump your asshole friend

America, dump your asshole friend
Or he’ll screw you in the end
You know he’ll screw you in the end
Time to dump your asshole friend
Track Name: Donny's Golden Shower
Donny’s Golden Shower

Donny’s got himself a sick perversion
For most it would cause strong aversion
Depending on the story version
You choose to believe
Seems plausible to me
Donny’s got a thing for pee
So our president’s a perv, the nerve
Some get what they deserve
What Vladimir did serve

He’s got
Golden hair, lives in a golden tower
It’s a golden time for a golden shower
Ain’t it cute and such a hoot
Watching urine shoot
From a Russian prostitute

It’s not like that I’m really rootin’
For blackmail by the likes of Putin
But you know that video was shootin’
That day, it’s safe to say
The Kremlin plays that way
It’s gonna “leak” someday
They'll prove democracy's a sham, a scam
America be damned
That's the master plan

He’s got
Golden hair, lives in a golden tower
It’s a golden time for a golden shower
Ain’t it cute and such a hoot
Watching urine shoot
From a Russian prostitute

Golden hair, lives in a golden tower
It’s a golden time for a golden shower
Rex Tillerson agrees it’s fun
Paul Manafort did run
When he saw what they had done
Track Name: Schadenfreude
I know that it's not funny watching others fail
I try to hide my joy, although to no avail
Your misfortune puts a smile upon my face
Oh to see you fall from grace

I can't avoid-a, this schadenfreude
You conk your head, and even if you bled
I have to laugh at your every gaff
Don't be annoyed-a by my schadenfreude

If I saw Paul Ryan
Fail to pass a bill and he was cryin'
With laughter I'd be dyin'
Schadenfreude

When Mr. Trump
Finally gets knocked on his rump
Oh the chuckles I will dump
Schadenfreude

Though Germans aren't known for their comedic ways
You have to say that they know how to turn a phrase
Watching Kelly Ann Conway struggle to justify
The alternate fact that's really just a lie, oh my!
I can't avoid-a this schadenfreude
To watch her squirm, like a little worm
To see her sweat, that's hilarious you bet
Yes I enjoyed-a that schadenfreude

If senator Mitch
Got called out by a snitch
Oh the laughter I would pitch
Schadenfreude
When Mr. Trump
Finally gets knocked on his rump
Oh the chuckles I will dump
Schadenfreude
Track Name: Side Effects are Killing Me
May cause internal bleeding and abdominal pain
May cause heart arrhythmia and swelling of the brain
May cause hallucinations that will drive you insane
Not to worry, no pain no gain

A burning sensation in the face and hands
Hope you're a nausea and diarrhea fan
Swelling of the tongue and throat feels grand
Not to worry, that's part of the plan

Chorus
These side effects are killing me
They're just as bad as the disease
These side effects are killing me
I'll take my chances with disease

If you don't die of what makes you ill
The side effects of the pill likely will
If after treatment you are still alive
Do thank big pharma that you did survive

May cause difficulty taking a breath
And there's a small risk of sudden death
You may loose sleep like you were on meth
Do ya think you'll get better, don't make no bets

May cause a big blood pressure drop
Consult your doctor if your heart does stop
Dizziness spins your head like a top
This should be illegal, I'm calling the cops

Chorus
Track Name: Gender Bender
Gender Bender
Because your genome has a Y chromosome
That doesn't mean you're a male
The S R Y gene, it doesn't always mean
You're into chicks without fail
You can't always say it's in your DNA
That we don't fully understand
A woman or a man, well it's not a simple plan
Gender bender, ain't it grand?

LGBTQ, what should I call you?
Gender dysphoria does vex
Are you cisgender transgender it's a never ender
Gender fluid and intersex
Gender conforming now seems so boring (with)
Today's rich phylogeny
If you're nonbinary, you're not so scary
Hats off to androgyny

Anyone who cares is a giant derriere
Bend that gender it's OK
There's no big mystery because it's all biology
You are what you are anyway

No need for cursin', to me you're just a person
So be whatever you want
Reassign, reversin', to me it ain't perversin'
Convert your penis to a ****
What can I say, there's a million shades of gray
The black and white world has gone away
Homo or hetero, nothing could be better-o
So bend that gender it's OK

Anyone who cares is a giant derriere
Bend that gender it's OK
There's no big mystery because it's all biology
You are what you are anyway
Track Name: Popular Song
Sometimes I write lyrics that are devilishly clever
Does anyone notice? Well, pretty much never
Sweet catchy melodies, yeah I can do that
Layered with harmonies to make them sound fat

I've written songs that were loaded with meaning
Profound for all, despite their left leaning
I've done complex arrangements with 30+ chords
And avid chord theorists are totally bored

chorus
For years and years I've been chugging along
But I still can't write just one popular song
I guess there's no place where my music belongs
'Cause I can't even write just one popular song

Some say they're not funny, but that isn't fair
I've made Mr. Swifty fall out of his chair
Sometimes about mid song we have to hit stop
He's cracking so hard that his head's 'bout to pop

I make simple videos, Tom thinks they're a riot
I slap 'em on youtube and the internet goes quiet
On the Funny Music Project my songs never gauge
And no traffic comes by my lame bandcamp page

chorus

I guess I could write stuff that's empty and feebler
Polished and pointless just like Justin Bieber
But that ain't no fun so it's not in my plans
I don't want to disappoint all my half dozen fans

chorus
Track Name: This Ain't Right
I swear I'm going to loose my lunch
Next time I see that orange butt munch
So please do not repeat, the latest stupid tweet
You're gonna get my knickers in a bunch
That whole lot is insane I have a hunch

Chorus
can't take it, can't even fake it, I'd love to break it
This ain't right
I wake and bake it, but still can't shake it, you can't mistake it
This ain't right
Not right any day or night

I swear to God I'm gonna puke
From a total lack of strong rebuke
Y'all act like it's OK, I'm saying dude, no way
This kind of stupid isn't just a fluke
A giant jackass now controls the nukes

Chorus

I'm going to barf the deepest bile
When the next news anchor acts reviled
So simple to be swayed, they're always getting played
Don't mind me if I check out fro a while
For me this stuff has gotten way too wild

Chorus
Track Name: Good Ol' Beelzebub
Good Ol’ Beelzebub

If Lucifer came down
To shut abortions down
I’d hail him for his high morality
How bad can he be
If he agrees with me
I’ll forgive a few atrocities
...Seems alright by me

I’d sell my soul
If it helps me in my goals
Good old Beelzebub
I know he’s wick-ed
Kind of dick head
Now I’m in the club
Though I know he’s a nub
My bud Beelzebub

Satan’s smiling, he throws a wink my way
says all the things I want someone to say
Today he’s OK
Despite the anguish he caused yesterday
Today he’s A OK

He says he’s now into God
Not one to spare the rod
He’s against Obamacare as a rule
He’s not into human rights
Likes picking pointless fights
To me that seems to make him pretty cool
...I’ll be his tool

He’s strong and sure
Swears his heart is pure
Good old Beelzebub
Sure I believe him
He wouldn’t deceive ‘em
Now I’m in the club
Though I know he’s a nub
My bud Beelzebub


Satan’s smiling, he throws a wink my way
Says all the things I want someone to say
Today he’s OK
Despite the anguish he caused yesterday
Today he’s A OK
...and he’ll cause again today
Track Name: Google Read My Mind
Google Read My Mind

Bought me some shoes on line
Shipped fast and fit just fine
Now the internet thinks I’m obsessed
This guy loves shoes he just confessed
Shoes in each pop up ad
Shoe ads make me go mad
Shoe ads are everywhere
Don’t want no more, just got my pair

Market profiling me, white male age forty three
Loves shoes and herbal tea
Market profiling me, no I don’t love herbal tea
I clicked inadvertently
Now a tea selling spree’s in line for me on line
That’s fine, Google read my mind

So I took myself off line, leave all shoe ads behind
But the market followed me, shoe ads on billboards and tv
The web has hacked my mind, see shoe ads all the time
In my head and in my dreams, buy more shoes the message screams

Chorus

Plant an app inside my brain, advertise ‘til I’m insane, nonstop commercial train

Chorus
Track Name: Someone to Hate
Someone to Hate

My granddad hated Krauts and Japs, said the Nips deserved those A bomb slaps
Dad he hated Reds, said Soviets should lose their heads
Both were thrilled to see their villains dead

Me I don’t have real enemies, but I still have the rage inside of me
Someone out there has to be my source of animosity
I’ll hate anyone who’s not like me

Give me someone I can hate, some foreign guy that’s great
I can’t wait to berate that guy, I hope he dies, I so despise
But I, love having someone to hate

I’ll hate any Muslim or Hindu, I’m pretty sure I hate the Buddhists too
Liberals and Socialists, ya know I hate ‘em ‘cause they make Sean Hannity pissed
But wait I’ve missed a few more from my list

Give me someone I can hate, some liberal that’s great
I can’t wait to berate that guy, I hope he dies, I so despise
But I, love having someone to hate

I’ll hate that trendy crowd uptown, and anyone who’s any shade of brown
I’ll hate most all of you, too short, too fat, too red too blue
Feeling superior even for a moment somehow compensates for my miserable life

Give me someone I can hate, some homo guy that’s great
I can’t wait to berate that guy, I hope he dies, I so despise
But I, love having someone to hate