More Subversive Songs for Even Less Content Malcontents

by Adam Baum

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credits

released December 27, 2016

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Track Name: Racially Profile Me
Racially Profile Me

I can drive right past the police station, open beer in hand
Shooting out my window with no fear of reprimand
Do donuts in the front yard of a family with dark skin
I know I’ll be forgiven for my every little sin, ‘cause I’m a..

Short haired middle aged white guy in a pickup truck
Profiled as someone who can’t be up to much
The speed limit’s 40 and you’re nailed at 41
While us short haired middle aged white guys have the fun

They’ll never pull me over for a taillight out in back
You won’t be so lucky with your nerve to drive while black
Make sure you follow all the rules exactly on the spot
Not signaling when you change lanes just might get you shot, you should be a..

If you want to win big, get short blond wig
You won’t be surprised with blue contacts in your eyes
You’ll be free to race with white powder on your face
You can be drunk and high if you’re a middle aged white guy

I know it’s not fair that there should be such bias
But leveling the field might cause some major riots
I thank the good Lord every day for my straight up luck
That I’m a short haired middle aged white guy in a pickup truck, yes I’m a..
Track Name: Is It Getting Hot in Here?
Is It Getting Hot in Here?

Burn up the gas and burn up all the oil
Fire the coal until we all boil
A trillion tons of carbon won’t affect the atmosphere
Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

Don’t go green ‘cause we’re in the red
Wind and solar might as well be dead
A longer summer is a cause for cheer
Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

Chorus
Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?
Global warming is not my fear
I’ll be swimming in December with an ice cold beer
Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

I’ll be surfing through Manhattan when the oceans rise
A beach house in Atlanta what a nice surprise
Environmental Nazis better all steer clear
Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

Tree hugging hippies and eco-freaks
Can join the penguins on the las ice sheets
And if they melt I won’t shed a tear
Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

It might feel strange, this climate change
If your city gets flooded, we’ll just rearrange
Your driveway’s now a moat for your brand new motor boat
I’m sure you’ll find a way to make your house float

Hot as Death Valley in the summertime
Without another winter I’ll be doing fine
Farming in Siberia is getting near
Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?
Track Name: Black Friday Crack High Day
These low low prices are oh so nices, My advice is shop today
I'll gladly trample some old grandpa, he shoulda got out of my way
There's not enough, I need more stuff, I will play rough to win the prize
It's the reason for this whole season, so pleasin' to my eyes

Black Friday it's like crack high day, smack my way to a deal
Black Friday it's attack or die day, hijack my way to a steal

Scream and holler to save a dollar, I gotta collar merchandise
I'll fight and claw for what I saw, only all will suffice
Black Friday.....

Bargain hunt diseases are the only thing that pleases
tis the season to consume
So to hell with our man Jesus, gift wrap those gourmet cheeses
Seize enough to fil a room

So make it count, drain your bank account, it's paramount to pay the least
It's not moronic, it's cheap electronics, so pounce on it like a beast
Black Friday...

So just keep shoppin', there ain't no stoppin', keep soppin' up the greed
It's oh so merry to be so buried by very much stuff you don't need
Black Friday....
Track Name: Lunatic Fringe Went Mainstream
Lunatic Fringe Went Mainstream

It used to be such fun sitting way out on the fringe
An ultra left wing socialist making conservatives cringe
Cavorting with the Greenpeace and the Communista crowds
Views so unpopular, that’s what made me proud

The lunatic fringe went main stream, now it’s no fun anymore
It’s hard to be subversive when y’all open up the door
I want to be a radical but now it’s such a bore
Since the lunatic fringe went main stream it’s no fun anymore

Fringe groups have their purpose, both on the left and right
Messing with the main stream with a willingness to fight
Now major parties court them, giving them applause
Promising to listen and support them in their cause

Wow, that kinda ruins everything….

The lunatic fringe went main stream, now it’s no fun anymore
It’s hard to be subversive when y’all open up the door
I want to be a radical but now it’s such a bore
Since the lunatic fringe went main stream it’s no fun anymore

A rebel’s not rebellious without some crazy cause
The alt right’s now just plain right, they’ve lost their teeth and claws
Sorry all you firebrands, your flame is all but out
Become maniacally centrist if you feel the need to shout

Underground and in the shadows that was the appeal
Fighting for the spotlight with unmitigated zeal
God damn Bernie Sanders, now socialism’s cool
God damn Donald Trump for making fascists rule

The lunatic fringe went main stream, now it’s no fun anymore
It’s hard to be subversive when y’all open up the door
I want to be a radical but now it’s such a bore
Since the lunatic fringe went main stream it’s no fun anymore
Track Name: What Scares Me
What Scares Me

Radical Jihadists they don’t scare me much
They’re so far away that they seem out of touch
Illegal immigrants don’t fill me with fear
They come here to work hard, I welcome them here
Black folks aren’t scary and have never been
I can live with gangbangers, despite all their sins
I don’t fear the Russians or the Chinese as well
I’m not scared of violence from big drug cartels

Chorus
I’m not scared of most people or monsters or ghosts
But there’s one group out there that frightens me most
They will always get me to get up and run
That’s angry rednecks with big loaded guns

Republicans and Conservative Christians scare me too….

They go off all half cocked and mostly unhinged
Sucking up rage from the Fox News they’ve binged
Consumed by anger and filled with contempt
Crushing the civil with each new attempt
Republicans they scare me ‘cause they fuel the fire
Raising their dander and pumping their ire
Christians are scary ‘cause they give their blessing
To destroy the decent with no less confessing

Chorus
Now that’s some scary stuff there…..

So come on sane people, don’t let ‘em take over
What we really need is a social makeover
Or one day they’ll blow and destroy this land
Let’s take ‘em down ‘cause they’re way out of hand

Chorus
Track Name: Post Truth Era
Post Truth Era

Hillary is a zombie alien risen from the grave
Comes to abduct your children and turn them into slaves
Hitler didn’t die in that bunker like they say
He came back as Elvis who is still alive today

Tell a lie enough times, eventually it’s true
Read it in the fake news that’s made up just for you
Presaged by George Orwell in 1984
It’s the post truth era ‘cause reality’s a bore

Vaccines cause autism, the feds created AIDS
To kill off minorities before they make the grade
The government controls the weather, climate change is a scam
Cooked up by the media ‘cause they don’t give a damn

Tell a lie enough times, eventually it’s true
Read it in the fake news that’s made up just for you
Presaged by George Orwell in 1984
It’s the post truth era ‘cause reality’s a bore

Bigfoot is conspiring with the ghost of JFK
To poison all our water and kill us all today
Prince and Michael Jackson are alive and have a plan
To turn our country into Islam-Ameristan

70% of what our president says ain’t true
That don’t seem to matter much to folks like me and you
Double down on doublespeak, make it up as you go
Facts are inconvenient and are not part of this show

Tell a lie enough times, eventually it’s true
Read it in the fake news that’s made up just for you
Presaged by George Orwell in 1984
It’s the post truth era ‘cause reality’s a bore
Track Name: Methed Out Maddy
Methed Out Maddy

I stumbled onto her page while on Revebnation
I knew that she was an instant sensation
I played OCD, heard that lead vocal quiver
It gave me goose bumps and my spine it did shiver
A twisted Dorothy from a demented Oz
Methed out Maddy was so cool just because
She liked Pony Boy just as much as I did
I fell in love when I saw the first vid

Methed out Maddy…..

She’s creepy and weird but I’d still like to bang her
She’s dark and disturbed, she’s Maddy Ellwanger
She’s brooding and brash, she’s an odd little girl
But each time I see her, she makes my head whirl

Methed out Maddy…..

So I bought her t shirts and all her CDs
Now I’m infected with her sweet sick disease
I wish we didn’t live in such far away cities
I’d love to hear live all her gags about titties

She’s creepy and weird but I’d still like to bang her
She’s dark and disturbed, she’s Maddy Ellwanger
She’s brooding and brash, she’s an odd little girl
But each time I see her, she makes my head whirl

Methed out Maddy…..
Track Name: Secular Humanist Holidays
Secular Humanist Holidays

Christmas is for Christians, and Hanukah’s for Jews
The Africans have Kwanzaa, but what to do with you?
Pagans have winter solstice, Islam has Ramadan
But what pray tell makes a secular humanist party on?

I know I shouldn’t wish you “Happy Holidays”
That implies the holy which you think is dumb and gay
Would a wish of “Season’s Greetings” somehow offend?
What pray tell can I wish for my secular atheist friend?

A secular humanist celebration, spreading neutrality across the nation
Have a Merry Whatever, I guess
A secular humanist celebration, since Christmas causes consternation
Have a Happy Something no less

Hide that new menorah, stash that manger scene
Don’t read from the Torah, I won’t wear red and green
I’m not one who’ll ever knock the views that you espouse
But one thing I agree, it’s dumb to have a tree inside your house

I won’t tease your kids with myths of Santa
With cold hard truth they can’t recant ya
Kids need to know that reindeer can’t fly
That’s just another Christmas lie

I won’t deck your halls with my religious folly
To simply exist on Planet Earth is cause to be jolly
Far be it from me to cause a major rift
But do you still expect me to buy you some dumb gift?

A secular humanist celebration, spreading neutrality across the nation
Have a Merry Whatever It Is
A secular humanist celebration, since Christmas causes consternation
Have a Happy None of My Biz
Have a Happy Whatever, I guess
And a Merry Something, no less
Track Name: Rally Round the Racist Pig
Rally Round the Racist Pig

Rally Round the racist pig
Heil Herr Trump the man we dig
Brain is small but ego’s big
Rally round the racist pig

Once our nation was so split
A deep divide you must admit
Now we’re done with all that shit
A racist pig will fix all this

Thanks to all you on the right
You really know how to unite
We’ll play nice without a fight
A racist pig’s a sheer delight

With joy the left will fall in line
And make no plans to undermine
The biggest butthole of all time
A racist pig will do just fine

America is great again
Thanks to a perv with orange skin
Now the healing can begin
A racist pig is sure to win

Some won’t take this lying down
A president, a cartoon clown
Embarrassment and shame abound
They’ll burn that mutha to the ground
Track Name: Guilty By Association
Guilty By Association

I understand you’re a decent person
Sunday church and very little cursin’
You’re not outwardly a racist, that I can see
But you’re causing me to loose some sleep
Not so much you but the company you keep
Let’s just say they and I really really disagree

Chorus
You’re guilty by association
Guilty of discrimination
Guilty as a red handed crook
Guilty by association
Guilty of abominations
Guilty as charged in my book

You’ll welcome in the neo Nazis
Crazy yes, how can you not see
Homophobes and Xenophobes galore
Y’all welcome in the Ku Klux Klan
And each misogynistic man
The Jesus freaks I guess I can ignore

Chorus

You say you welcome minorities
Must be a low priority
The prey don’t hang around the lion’s den
Technically they are allowed
A blemish on a snow white crowd
That don’t exactly say come on in

If you want to try real inclusion
Get diversity infusion
Be more selective with the friends you make
Otherwise just drop the illusion
End your worry and confusion
And slither off on your belly with the snakes
Track Name: Hope I Die of Something Someday
I Hope I Die of Something Someday

You know my man Bill Gates
Wants to eliminate
The scourge of all infectious disease
He buys the poorest folks more breath
So they can slowly starve to death
The Reaper won’t go down with simple ease
Now Zuckerburg’s joined in
Says ALL disease must end
Life expectancy is sure to rise
New drugs and new machines
And messing with our genes
Couldn’t possibly lead to an uglier surprise

Chorus
I don’t want to live forever
That ain’t Ma Nature’s way
Life is only precious
When you know it will fade away
There’s beauty in our passing
So I don’t intend to stay
I hope I die of something someday

Now the latest fight
Puts ageing in its sights
We’ll live to be 200 pretty soon
I’m sure I would get bored
With that much time or more
Hell, I get tired of summer by late June
So give me heart disease
Let me cough and wheeze
Let pneumonia take me out when I’m old
I want death to unhide
What’s on the other side
It’s likely not as scary as we’re told

Chorus

Pancreatic cancer or perhaps a massive stroke
Maybe emphysema from all the years I smoked
No coronary bypass or iron lung for me
I want to taste the sweetness of death’s eternity

Chorus
Track Name: The New G.O.P.
New GOP

This ain’t your daddy’s GOP no more…

Once you were legitimate, an economic plan
Easing regulations would help the working man
But by the 1990’s, y’all took an ugly turn
You courted far right crazies and the votes that they could churn

You tried to axe Bill Clinton for a sweet White House blow job
Now you’re all supporting the most repugnant slob
A self confessed sex criminal who brags about it too
No morals and no dignity, shame on all of you

Conservative Saint Reagan must be turning in his grave
To see his grand old party turn so recklessly depraved
Their brand new colors shining through, they’re not red white and blue
Now they’re screaming neon orange with bile green goo

GOP, that’s grab our pussies…

Now it’s a stupid circus, you’re an international joke
Any shred of decency has now gone up in smoke
The ultimate embarrassment upon the grand world stage
Thank you all, you’ve ushered in a new disgusting age

At least back in the day it wasn’t spoken, though implied
Now you have no shame, so there’s no need to hide
I’m glad it’s in the open, just what you’re all about
Anyone with any sense should hurry to get out

GOP, that’s guns over people…

R is now for racist,
E for enciting violence
P is now for pussy that you’re free to grab in silence
U is for ugly,
B is for bombast
L is for the lying even when caught in the act
I is for insane, or maybe for inane
C for crude or crassness, infecting all your brains
A is for asshole,
N for no respect
S is for the sickening we’ve now come to expect