1. |
Shiny Tin Foil Hat
02:45
|
|||
|
The whole covid hoax was just a way to coax
A mass vaccination campaign
Whose primary goal was to give Bill Gates control
To plant a microchip into your brain
She said that didn't phase her 'til that Jewish space laser
Started beaming signals to her head
Now she's acting crazy, she wants to eat a baby
Pledged her soul to Satan as they bled
One thing can save us, won't let 'em enslave us
A shiny tin foil hat
Blocking every signal, a fancy metal wig, no
A shiny tin foil hat
A shiny tin foil hat, you need a shiny tin foil hat
And if someone asks you what is that
(you say) a shiny tin foil hat
It blocks death rays and heat rays and Martian transmissions
Blocks any order that calls for submission
It blocks lasers and tasers, and Chinese brain hackers
Don't look at me as if I've gone crackers
One thing can save us, won't let 'em enslave us
A shiny tin foil hat
Blocking every signal, a fancy metal wig, no
A shiny tin foil hat
A shiny tin foil hat, you need a shiny tin foil hat
And if someone asks you what is that
(you say) a shiny tin foil hat
|
||||
2. |
Just To Be a Dick
03:21
|
|||
|
I stormed the Capitol on January six, just to be a dick
Spread feces on the wall and hit cops with a stick, just to be a dick
I hope I make you a little sick. I do it all just to be a dick
School board meeting I showed up, raved like a lunatic, just to be a dick
Stopped at a protest looking for a fight to pick, just to be a dick
I hope I make you a little sick. I do it all just to be a dick
Some think I'm nefarious, well I think that's hilarious
Makes me wanna be a bigger dick
You get all mad and serious, that just makes me cheery-ous
Now I'm gonna be a bigger dick
Russia invades Ukraine, an awful dirty trick, just to be a dick
Kim shoots missiles out to sea, which he considers schtick
Just to be a dick
They hope they make you a little sick. They do it all just to be a dick
Bugged my older sisters back when I was six, just to be a dick
The more upset they got, the more I got a kick, just to be a dick
I hoped I made them a little sick. I did it all just to be a dick
|
||||
3. |
Fight and Flight
02:52
|
|||
|
I needed relief from my life of grief
So I booked myself a vacation flight
I made my way through the TSA
Where my concealed weapon caused a fright
I heard them say that my flight was delayed
Already I was getting pretty mad
Which I ignored until I got on board
And found that a mask must be had
I'm kickin' ass at 30,000 feet
Good luck keeping me strapped in my seat
I'm kickin' ass at 30,000 feet
Who wants to get their ass beat
(Who wants a piece of me)
The flight attendant then recommended
All able bodied men gang up on me
It took me a while but I cleared out the aisle
And the cockpit door I could see
The captain jumped then the whole plane bumped
I yelled "this bitch is goin' down!"
I did not care if it fell from the air
So we crashed and burned on the ground
Soon I revived, somehow I survived
And one other dude did too
I heard him gasp "can you please put on that mask"
I beat that sucker black and blue
|
||||
4. |
The Cologuard Song
02:43
|
|||
|
They said take this little basket, put it on the toilet seat
Go about your business and pack it up real neat
Ship it to Wisconsin to a lab you may have heard
And someone there at Cologuard will open up your....
I'm shipping what? where? Straight from my derriere
Please inform the drivers to handle it with care
I'm shipping what? where? Straight from my derriere
Flush it there by next day musty air
United Parcel Service might have to change its name
The packages are different but their letters are the same
....... did you get it?........
They'll drop the deuce right on time, cause that's just what they do
UPS is number one in shipping number two
I took that little basket with me when I had to go
But I just could not do it, no there would not be a show
The doc said colonoscopy can also give an answer
I said Oh well I guess I'll die of colorectal cancer
|
||||
5. |
Stuff 'em in a Spaceship
02:58
|
|||
|
At the Amazon warehouse you won't make
Enough to earn yourself a bathroom break
Whiz in a bottle just to keep the pace
'Cause the boss's got a date in outer space
Tesla makes self driving cars
I've seen them burn like neutron stars
Guess they can't afford to bring them up to par
'Cause the boss needs the money to get to Mars
Billionaires all in a race
To shoot themselves into outer space
Your money could've made the world a better place
But you shot your wad into outer space
Richard Branson, BANISHED TO THE MOON!
Baldy Bezos, BANISHED TO THE MOON!
Elon Musk can't go too soon
Gonna stuff 'em in spaceship
Leave 'em on the moon
(And every spoiled brat with a silver spoon
Gonna stuff 'em in a spaceship, leave 'em on the moon)
You could house the homeless, you could feed the poor
But screw all them, I know they're such a bore
You could fix the climate, you could cure the sick
But it's much more fun to be a selfish prick
|
||||
6. |
||||
|
You're lying half dead in a hospital bed
Good one dude, you totally owned me
You kicked and you screamed about refusing that vaccine
Good one dude, you totally owned me
Now you breathe through a hose shoved halfway up your nose
Good one dude, you totally owned me
To ask for a mask was just too much of a task
Good one dude, you totally owned me
We all perspire 'cause the planet's on fire
Good one dude, you totally owned me
Your house burned down to a cinder on the ground
Good one dude, you totally owned me
Your California daughter just dyin' for some water
Good one dude, you totally owned me
Only feckless fools fear the use of fossil fuels
Good one dude, you totally owned me
You called first dibs on owning all the libs
And boy this time you got 'em good
Despite your tragic loss, you showed 'em who's the boss
And took out your whole neighborhood
Shutting down the border, a mighty tall order
Good one dude, you totally owned me
Field pickers got the boot, now we've got no fruit
Good one dude, you totally owned me
You said "I do all I can to get rid of Mex-i-cans"
Good one dude, you totally owned me
Now to cut the grass, I have to get up off my ass
Good one dude, you totally owned me
|
||||
7. |
||||
|
Ode to Florida Senator Rick Scott (R)
Squeeze more money from the poor
Squeeze more money from the poor
Forget about the rich, they shouldn't pay a stitch
Squeeze more money from the poor
Government needs revenue, that I know is true
Got a giant tax bill to show I paid my due
With a slick accountant you can hide your cash offshore
And if they need the money they can squeeze it from the poor
Squeeze more money from the poor
Squeeze more money from the poor
Your kid don't need more food, you shoulda had a smaller brood
Squeeze more money from the poor
The congressman wants funding for a project that he planned
Promised all his business bros there'd be cash in hand
When it came to pay the bill, he knew where to score
Doesn't need a bank, instead he'll squeeze it from the poor
Squeeze more money from the poor
Squeeze more money from the poor
Economically unhealthy to try and bill the wealthy
Squeeze more money from the poor
|
||||
8. |
||||
|
Kevin killed a black guy, admitted it was so
Instead of going to prison, the judge just let him go
But I know how to take him down, make sure contempt is shown
With a strongly worded letter in a condescending tone
The Senator got busted, for being on the take
And national security was certainly at stake
They harshly reprimand him, then sink him like a stone
With a strongly worded letter in a condescending tone
A strongly worded letter in a condescending tone
The sword of scorn is heavy and it cuts down to the bone
With snarky condemnation, your cover will be blown
By a strongly worded letter in a condescending tone
You can get away with almost anything
If you're white or rich enough, your guaranteed to spring
But I'll let everybody know how awful you have grown
With a strongly worded letter in a condescending tone
|
||||
9. |
Solitaire
02:44
|
|||
|
Makin' love ain't what it used to be
Now you're gone, just my right hand and me
Here all alone, only one thing to do
So I hope you don't mind if I think of you
Thinkin' 'bout your face and the smell of your hair
Red queen on black baby, I'm almost there
I'm playin' solitaire
Now that you're gone
I'll pretend you're there
I'm playin' solitaire, solitaire, a game of one
Solitaire, solitaire, since you done run
Solitaire solitaire, not quite as fun
I'm playin' solitaire solitaire, since you've been gone
|
||||
Adam Baum Lydick, Indiana
Has been on Dr. Demento and the Funny Music Project, so at least a few people thought it was funny, besides, Kurt thinks it is, and ya know, that's cool enough.
